


The Warmth in My Chest

by lialin1021



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Explicit Language, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Content, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21891727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lialin1021/pseuds/lialin1021
Summary: There is a piece of Minseok’s past that he’s not proud of. Despite that, he currently tries to live his life the best way he can. So what happens when his past runs into him in his gym? He panics and tries to escape again. Unfortunately, that does not work, and he is forced to face that one person who he hurt the most.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Comments: 35
Kudos: 64





	The Warmth in My Chest

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve had this idea in mind for the longest time. Finally, I was able to transform it into a story. Hope you’ll enjoy.
> 
>  **Note 01:** This story is a spin-off to [Glass Marble](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15784563) (Baekhyun x Jongdae)  
>  **Note 02:** This story has a spin-off [I Like Your Kind](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411210) (Chanyeol x Jongin)

There is always that point in your single life when you realize that while you are immensely happy for that one friend who is in a committed relationship, it also makes you feel like shit. And then comes this downward spiral of self-hate – you hate yourself because it makes you feel like a complete asshole, and it builds and builds until you basically convince yourself that you are one.

It also makes you ask those uncomfortable questions you would rather avoid. Why do I feel like shit? Do I want to be in a relationship too? But I thought for the longest time that I don’t. I thought that I enjoy being single. Did I lie to myself? Did I convince myself that I don’t need a relationship because deep down I know that I will never find anybody who will want me? Do I really believe that I’m that unlovable? It makes you feel sick to your stomach thinking about this.

Kim Minseok is in that place right now. He is asking these questions and he doesn’t recognize himself. His nonchalance and confidence seem to be gone, and all that is left is self-consciousness and anxiety.

But as he looks at that couple who are sitting right across the table, he knows that he is happy for them. All those other ugly feelings are just collateral, and they do not change the fact that he so glad that one of his best friends has finally found someone who will be there for him.

Suddenly, that someone’s voice interrupts his thoughts: “Okay, I need to head out. I’ve still got some papers to grade and nobody will finish those for me.”

“No problem, I’ll go with you,” the other half of the happy couple says.

Minseok exchanges a look with his other best friend, Chanyeol. It’s a look they’ve developed for situations like this.

“Don’t even think about it, Baekhyun. You’ll just distract me. Plus, you owe these guys at least an hour when it’s just the three of you, without me. You’ve been neglecting them, and you know it.”

Baekhyun opens his mouth to defend himself but is immediately silenced with a short kiss from his boyfriend, Jongdae, who then adds: “I mean it. Have fun, guys.”

Minseok and Chanyeol thank Jongdae and wave him goodbye while Baekhyun sits there, pouting like a kid who has been denied ice-cream.

Chanyeol sees this and shakes his head. “Come on, stop it. You see him all the time, you basically live together, and you’re telling me that you can’t spend one part of the evening just with us, without him being here?”

“Of course I can. And I know that Jongdae’s right, I’ve been neglecting you. But I’m in love, man, and it’s bad… I’ve never fallen so hard for anyone,” Baekhyun sighs.

“And we get that,” Chanyeol leans over the table and pats his shoulder. “We also get that this is the first time in your life that you’re getting it on a daily basis so…”

“So what?” Baekhyun says, his brows furrowing.

“Chanyeol just means to say that regular sex, you know, is, well, good,” Minseok jumps in before Chanyeol can put it in a less tasteful way.

“Yes, it is,” Baekhyun makes a confused expression. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“Please, it is so obvious that you would rather spend your time having Jongdae go down on you than sitting here with us. And I don’t blame you. If I had someone giving me amazing head all the time, man, I probably wouldn’t even go to work. You should be applauded for at least showing up there!”

Minseok bites the inside of his cheek as Baekhyun’s eyes almost pop out of his head.

“Oh my God, Minseok! I can’t believe you told him! I told you that in complete confidence!” he hisses.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking, and it just came out!”

“And what’s wrong with telling me anyway?” Chanyeol looks almost offended.

“What’s wrong with telling you?” Baekhyun can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Well, first of all, that’s all you will bring up from now on and you will think that it’s the only reason I’m spending so much time with him. And second of all, I know you’ll want details, and I won’t give you those, sorry.”

“Oh, come one! Just because I share every little detail of my sex life with you guys, I don’t expect you to do the same!”

Baekhyun contradicts that by reminding Chanyeol that he demanded details many times in the past, and they get into their typical back and forth.

Minseok smiles because he knows that it will end in them hugging each other and ordering shots. It always does. It makes Minseok feel warm inside because it feels right. After all, his family is once again reunited.

Instantly, it brings out memories. Memories of how at first Minseok was a little bit hesitant. He’d never had that kind of friends before – friends with whom you can share anything and everything. So, it took some time getting used to. He definitely had troubles opening up, trusting. But they showed him there’s nothing to be afraid of.

They became his support system, which was something we desperately needed. He was alone, completely alone, and they pulled him out of his shell. After that he would never be the same.

“Get out of your head and grab a shot!” Chanyeol pushes a shot glass with some liquor in front of Minseok and flashes him his wide smile.

“To the best friends in the world!” Baekhyun shouts, being his usual loud self, which startles people in the booth right next to theirs.

“Aye, aye!” Chanyeol yells out in agreement, and they all take a shot.

The liquor was rum, and now Minseok wants to kill both of them for ordering something that he finds repulsive. However, he is too busy coughing to strangle them.

“Okay, since I’ve been such a bad friend, you both have to update me on your lives. Tell me what I’ve missed, I want to know everything,” Baekhyun smiles at his friends with genuine sincerity.

“Sound great!” Chanyeol exclaims excitedly. “So, you know all about work, obviously, because we talk about it in the office all the time and it’s the same old boring stuff. But what you don’t know is that I, Park Chanyeol, fucked... and this will need a drumroll, please,” Chanyeol beckons his friends to quickly tap the table. “The hot bartender at the Queen club! Finally!”

“Shut up!” Baekhyun’s jaw drops. “He’s like the hottest human being I’ve ever seen in real life!”

“I know!” Chanyeol can’t stop smiling. “We’ve been drooling over him for the past three years and last week I had enough. I had to take action.”

“Oh my God, how did you do it?”

“The same way as always. I came up to him and asked: want to fuck?”

“And he just agreed?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol nods, looking all smug. “I took him home after they closed. Minseok can attest to it if you don’t believe me.”

Baekhyun’s attention then immediately shifts to his other friend.

“It happened. I saw it with my own eyes. But what Chanyeol didn’t tell you is that he was a nervous mess going up to him.”

“Details,” Chanyeol waves it off.

“Wow. Just wow. So, how was he?”

“So fucking needy it drove me crazy. The minute I closed the door, he shoved his hand down my pants, cupped me and actually whimpered. Then he pushed me against the wall and went down on me right then and there. He kept repeating how he can’t wait to feel me inside of him and that I need to hurry up and fuck him till he can’t walk. So, I dragged him into the bedroom. Before I could take of my pants or anything, he stopped me and said that he wants me to stay clothed. He then proceeded to completely strip down by himself. After that he grabbed the lube on my nightstand, got down on all four and fucking started fingering himself, moaning how he is preparing for my big cock and that the minute he tells me to I need to start fucking him, destroying him. So, I put on a condom and waited for like another ten minutes, just looking at him, before he told me to make him his bitch. And I did exactly that. Fuck, I ruined him.”

And then there is a stunned silence. Minseok has heard the exact same story before but it still makes him pause. After all, there is this presumption that attractive people are often bad or average at sex because they just don’t have to try as much as the rest of the population. Chanyeol’s story completely disproves that, and that is what makes it so fascinating.

“So, yeah, that’s it. Other than that, there were some other one-night stands but nothing worth mentioning. I mean, I also fucked this model like a month ago who cuffed me to his bed and rode me so hard I thought he would break my dick, so that was fun, but I guess not as memorable as the hot bartender.”

“Well… I don’t really know what to say. I’m happy for you?” Baekhyun chuckles.

Although it was meant as a joke, Chanyeol appears to be genuinely touched by those words. “Thank you, that’s so sweet of you!”

“You’re welcome?” Baekhyun’s statements is once again uttered in the form of a question. “Anyway, how about you, Minseok, what’s new?”

“Nothing much, to be honest. Work’s pretty good. I mean, the customers drive me crazy sometimes but overall there’s no reason to complain,” Minseok shrugs. “And as for my love life, it’s been pretty non-existent over the last three months.”

He knows his life is boring and he doesn’t mind. He actually enjoys simply being at his job, working out and then going drinking or dancing with Chanyeol, supporting him in his pursuits.

“Oh, no, no, no, I beg to differ. What about that stunning guy we met last Friday? The one that came over just to say hi to you?”

“That one?” Minseok knows his voice is very shaky. He hoped Chanyeol was already drunk at that point and wouldn’t remember it. “That was nothing. Just a guy I know. We went to college together.”

“Well, sorry, but I find that hard to believe,” Chanyeol says in a determined way. “I mean, he was gorgeous! Plus, he seemed eager to talk to you but for some reason you weren’t into it at all. What’s that about?”

“And what level of gorgeous are we talking about? Like on a scale from the not-so-hot-but-funny bartender at Queen and the hot bartender at Queen?” Baekhyun chimes in.

“Well, that’s difficult,” Chanyeol says. “Because the hot bartender is like sex on a stick. But this guy… he is classically handsome and also so luxurious. You can’t just put him on a hotness scale. He is a completely different category.”

“Wow,” Baekhyun breathes out.

“Exactly. So, don’t tell me, Minseok, that it was nothing. A guy like that comes up to you, you should be weak in the knees. And if you’re not, there must be something wrong.”

There is something wrong, Minseok thinks to himself. There is something seriously wrong. He feels sick to his stomach and it does not help that he drank that rum earlier.

“He was my friend in college. You might remember him from that story about my asshole ex-boyfriend. He was the one with whom my boyfriend cheated on me. But this friend had no idea, so I left him in the dark and while breaking up with my boyfriend, I forced that piece of shit to end things with my friend as well. But you already know that. What I’ve never mentioned is that I had so many messed up and mixed feelings that I kind of started avoiding this friend. After a while he caught on and stopped trying to contact me,” Minseok feels like punching himself, seriously. “I’ve always felt bad about it. Like really fucking bad. And now, now he started going to my gym. I met him there for the first time like three weeks ago. Then I met him in the club. And yesterday… he tried to blow me in my office.”

“What?!” Baekhyun and Chanyeol exclaim in unison.

THREE WEEKS AGO

For Minseok working out is an addiction. At first it started because he wanted to lose some weight. He had always been more on the chubby side and hoped to change that. After all, by that time he had figured out he was gay and, let’s be honest, the gay scene is pretty competitive, everybody stays in shape, so you have to keep up. But that was not his only reason, he did it also for his health, of course.

As the time went on, he began to enjoy it for many reasons. He can see the results of his hard work. He feels good. He feels sexy. He likes the way other guys stare at his arms when he wears a sleeveless top. And he also can’t get enough of the compliments his sexual partners give him when he takes of his clothes.

There are just so many amazing things working out brings into his life and it feels so nice. But it truly did become an addiction. Simply the idea of not going to the gym for a couple of days makes him feel uncomfortable. When he is sick, he cannot stop thinking about working out as soon as possible and making up for lost time.

He does sometimes wonder if it is healthy. It might be better to try skip the gym from time to time or let himself have more days without watching what he eats. But every time he tries it, he falls back into his old pattern. Some people might envy him that he has such a self-control. Yet he envies them from time to time that they know how to let go.

As much as he thinks about these things when he is at work or at home, it never crosses his mind when he is at the gym. Working out takes his mind off any worries, which is another amazing thing about it.

For example, right now he is just running on a treadmill, listening to his workout playlist, and watching himself in the mirror from time to time. His head is completely empty. No stress, no second guessing, no everyday bullshit. Peace.

Unfortunately, he has to get off. The coffee shop he manages opens in an hour and he needs to get there early to get a head start for the day. Once they open, he needs to put out fires constantly and has no time to get any work done. So, he takes out his earbuds, grabs his water bottle and his towel, and heads to the locker room.

“Minseok… is that you?”

The mention of his name startles him, and he turns around to see who is that mystery acquaintance that recognized him.

There is a moment when Minseok is not sure. The man who approached him looks similar age. He is wearing a pretty tight t-shirt and shorts, both rather expensive in Minseok’s opinion (and Minseok definitely knows his sportwear). His dark hair is quite dishevelled and his smile so wide it almost scares Minseok. But he thing that finally makes Minseok realize the identity of this man are his cheeks. He would recognize those cheeks anywhere.

“Junmyeon?”

To say that seeing that person standing in front of him surprises him would be an understatement. He is actually completely paralyzed from the shock he has just experienced.

“Yes!” the man lights up immediately even more. “Oh my god, how long has it been?”

Before Minseok has an opportunity to react, the man answers excitedly for him. “It must be around 10 years or something, right? The last time I saw you it was our graduation and we were so young, I can’t believe it.”

Yes, Minseok can’t believe it either. Ten long years of feeling like an asshole for how he behaved. Though he has to admit that it has been a long time since he actually thought about it. It crosses his mind once in a while but then it disappears. How is he supposed to forget about it now?

“Yeah. So… what are you doing here?” Minseok’s question sounds a lot more annoyed that he intended it to be.

To Minseok’s dismay, Junmyeon picks up on the annoyance and his blinding smile disappears. Nice, way to make yourself feel like less of an asshole, Minseok thinks to himself.

“I switched gyms recently. It’s only my third time here but I really like it. It much closer to my work than the previous gym so I can squeeze in a workout even if it’s a busy day.”

Damn it, damn it, damn it. Damn Minseok’s life. “I see. Where do you work?”

“Right around the corner. I’m a financial analyst for an investment company. I’ve been working there ever since I finished college,” Junmyeon says like it is not a big deal. But it is. Minseok knows that. “What about you? Where do you work?”

“I’m a manager at a coffee shop,” Minseok simply answers.

He does not add that it is pretty close to the gym as well since he does not want Junmyeon to be all excited and visit him there. And Junmyeon wouldn’t set foot in that place without knowing Minseok works there, that is for sure. It is not some run-down, cheap place, but it is nothing super fancy either.

“That’s great! You’d always wanted to do that!”

That makes Minseok pause. “You… you remember that?”

“Of course! I remember when we used to go to that little coffee shop near my dorm and you kept saying that you want to run a place exactly like that.”

Oh. That coffee shop. The one where Minseok found out. The last place where just the two of them hung out as friends. It was such a long time ago, yet with Junmyeon standing right in front of him, it almost feels like yesterday.

“Yeah, I did say that. And you wanted to be a financial analyst at a big company. Guess that dreams do come true after all.”

“Seems like it,” Junmyeon smiles softly.

There is a moment of silence and Minseok wonders if it is just him who feels so tense. Junmyeon has no reason to, to be honest. He has done nothing wrong. It was Minseok who couldn’t get over it and acted like a complete coward instead of talking to Junmyeon and telling him the truth.

Suddenly, Minseok notices that Junmyeon is about to continue their little talk so he abruptly says: “I’m sorry but I really need to go, the coffee shop opens soon. It was nice seeing you though. Bye.”

He doesn’t even leave Junmyeon the opportunity to say bye as well. He makes a beeline for the locker room, quickly changes into his casual clothes, and leaves the gym, all that in a couple of minutes.

Is he running away from Junmyeon? Yes. Does he feel bad about it? Yes, he does. Does it mean that he will actually try to talk to Junmyeon the next time he sees him? Absolutely not.

ONE WEEK AGO

Minseok has been very irritable for the last two weeks, there is no other way to describe it. He actually did the most cowardly thing possible and stopped going to his own gym. Now he can only go jogging and lift weights at home. But it is definitely not enough. He is used to his routine. It is an addiction.

He could get a membership in a different gym, sure. But he is a very paranoid person and he convinced himself that Junmyeon would eventually find him there as well. Plus, he doesn’t want to quit his gym, he likes his gym. He just needs some time to grow a pair and start going there again.

That’s it, just a little bit of time. Other people will have to deal with the fact that he is a little irritable.

“You need to get laid or something, this is getting out of hand,” one of his baristas tells him after Minseok freaks out about a small cloth that was left on the counter.

“Yixing, you are aware that I’m your supervisor, right?” Minseok glares at him.

“Yes, I am. And are you aware that you’re freaking out over nothing?”

Minseok looks at the cloth in his hand. He sighs. What is going on with him? Yixing is right, this is too much.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been just so tense lately.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” Yixing shakes his head. “Why is that?”

Minseok knows he can’t tell him. He would lose all of the remaining respect he actually has. And that is not much, at least when it comes to Yixing.

They’ve been friends for such a long time and sometimes Minseok feels that Yixing knows him too damn well. He might not be as close to him as Baekhyun or Chanyeol, but they’ve spent a lot of time together and Yixing is able to notice even the smallest changes in Minseok’s mood. Well, he does not need that ability right now since those changes are way too obvious.

“I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Yixing says but he knows that Minseok is not telling the truth.

Minseok knows that he knows. Hell, Yixing might even know that Minseok knows that he knows. It still does not change the fact that Minseok is not telling though. There is no way.

“But consider what I said about getting laid. I believe there’s something to it,” Yixing nudges him a little bit.

Minseok chuckles and simply throws the cloth in his hand at Yixing. He thinks the idea is stupid. However, he is going to a club with Chanyeol tonight and if an interesting opportunity presents itself, who is he to say no.

~

“Oh my god, I’m still recovering from the hot bartender,” Chanyeol says as he leans against the bar with a groan. “I might have hurt my back.”

“Well, this will finally teach you that you are too old to have rough sex now,” Minseok shrugs and takes a sip of his whiskey.

“No, no way,” his friend quickly shakes his head. “I will never be too old to have rough sex. You’re just saying that so you’re not the only one feeling old and liking vanilla sex.”

“Fine, say whatever you want. But I will tell you I told you so that one day when you call me that you are lying in your bed, unable to move, and you need a ride to the hospital.”

Chanyeol just gives Minseok an angry stare.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll still accompany you to those recovery appointments, I’m not a monster. But I will laugh at your misery and remind you this exact moment any time I have the opportunity.”

Chanyeol’s expression does not change so Minseok just winks at him and turns towards the dance floor to scan the situation.

Chanyeol starts talking again soon, pointing out some new people and selecting the ones that he wants to make a move at. He also shares stories about the people that are present and have already fallen for his charm. Minseok has heard them so many times that he could probably recite them himself, but it makes Chanyeol happy so Minseok lets his freakishly tall friend repeat them.

“Well, that one’s new. And he is so gorgeous, wow.”

Minseok squints and tries to recognize who Chanyeol is talking about.

“You do not see a face like that every day, that’s for sure.”

Face. A gorgeous face. Minseok is still looking around.

“Shit, I think he noticed! And he’s walking in our direction!”

That’s new. Chanyeol usually does not get so crazy about someone approaching them. This one must really be beautiful. Well, Minseok felt like he was going to lose Chanyeol soon anyway.

“Minseok! Hi!”

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. This is way too familiar and Minseok does not like it. How? Just how? And why? What did he do to deserve this?

Well, he knows what he did but was it really that bad? Does he really have to suffer all the consequences now? Where was his punishment all those years?

“Junmyeon… hi.”

He is speaking way too quietly for a club, but it seems like Junmyeon doesn’t even notice.

“Hi! This is such a coincidence,” the man laughs. “How are you?”

“Good.”

Minseok really needs someone to save him right now. He looks to his right and Chanyeol seems to be minding his own business, making eyes at some guy at the dance floor. Damn it.

It is painfully obvious that Junmyeon does not know how to continue the conversation even though he wants to. He turns around to look at a group of people who appear to be observing their interaction.

“I’m here with my friends,” he turns back. “Maybe I should get back to them?”

It is definitely framed as a question. But its content is different. Junmyeon is asking whether Minseok is interested in continuing their little talk or not. Because if he is not, there is no reason to stay.

“Yeah. Enjoy your night,” Minseok answers and looks down at his drink.

It is beyond fucked up.

“You too,” Junmyeon responds and his voice is so soft that it sounds a little bit broken.

Minseok keeps looking at his drink until he is completely positive that Junmyeon has left. He looks up and takes a deep breath. That all just went very wrong. It actually could not have gone worse.

He turns to Chanyeol again, but his friend is gone. It does not take Minseok long to find him in the crowd of people, dancing with the guy he was making eyes at earlier. After all, Chanyeol stands out thanks to his height basically anywhere.

Minseok hesitates between leaving right away and getting another drink. He does not want Junmyeon to notice him leaving after he has just approached him. It would be too easy to make that connection. So he stays. He orders another whiskey and taps his fingers on the bar like the coward he is.

~

Two hours later, he is leaving. He would have left earlier, but Chanyeol actually came back and talked to him for a while about the guy he’d just met. Then the guy came and stole him away, so Minseok ordered another whiskey and drank it while looking at his phone and texting with Baekhyun who whined to him about having to work late instead of spending time with Jongdae. He downed the rest of his drink and headed towards the exit.

Now he is standing outside, breathing in the fresh air. Well, the fresh air mixed with some cigarette smoke from all the smokers standing outside.

“Minseok!”

It is the third mention of this name by this person in a short period of time, so he recognizes the voice immediately.

And there he is. Walking towards him and taking a long puff from his cigarette before throwing it rather aggressively into the ashbin. Minseok can clearly see some of Junmyeon’s friends standing nearby and pretending like they are not watching them.

“What did I do to you?”

And here we go. Minseok can smell the alcohol on Junmyeon’s breath. He should have remembered that Junmyeon is one of those people who get much more courageous and honest when they drink.

“Nothing.”

Minseok believes that it is not a lie.

“Don’t lie to me.”

Again, Minseok believes that he is telling the truth.

“I’m not lying to you.”

He is not lying.

“So why did you stop speaking to me?”

Damn. Junmyeon got him.

“I… I guess I just let us drift apart.”

“No, you didn’t. You stopped speaking to me,” Junmyeon refuses to budge. “Okay, if you don’t want to answer that one, answer me this: why don’t you want to talk to me now when I try to communicate with you?”

“I wouldn’t say that I…”

Minseok knows he is lying.

“Don’t lie to me.”

Again, Minseok knows that he is not telling the truth.

“I’m not lying.”

He is definitely lying.

“Okay, since you don’t want to tell me, there’s nothing I can do,” Junmyeon shakes his head. “But you should know that I know the reason. I talked to Kris and he confirmed it to me.”

“You talked to Kris?!” Minseok blurts out.

Only after that it dawns on him. He starts to recognize what Junmyeon’s words implicate. Oh no, he is going to be sick.

“Yes. I think it was sometime before our graduation. I kind of figured most of it on my own and when I asked him, he couldn’t really lie about it. So yeah… I know what I did to you. I just wanted to hear it from you.”

Minseok shakes his head. “You didn’t do anything. It was me who did something to you.”

“You mean how you didn’t want to hurt my feelings and make me feel like an asshole, so you made Kris break up with me? Yeah, that was so horrible of you,” Junmyeon says but it does not sound like he is simply joking, he actually sounds angry.

“I should have told you.”

“You wanted to protect me.”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what? I hurt you and you still went out of your way to prevent me from finding out.”

“You found out anyway.”

It is all out. All of this mess that he tried so hard to forget.

“Yes, because I cared!” It seems like Junmyeon is holding back his tears. “I cared so much about our friendship and when you suddenly stopped talking to me, I felt like shit. I spent so much time trying to find out what happened. I analysed every little moment. And then it hit me. The timing couldn’t have been a coincidence. I just knew.”

Minseok sighs. It might have been too naïve to think that he wouldn’t connect the dots. He was and still is way too smart to miss that.

So, what now? There is only one question left to ask.

“Are you angry at me?”

“Because of what happened?” Junmyeon looks up at the night sky. “That is complicated. I’m not angry that you made Kris break up with me. I’m not angry that you stopped talking to me… anymore,” he emphasized the last word. “But I am very angry that right now I’m trying my hardest to reconnect with you and you don’t seem to be interested at all.”

Junmyeon’s tears are slowly rolling down his cheek.

“I’m sorry.”

Minseok doesn’t know what else to say. He notices Junmyeon’s friends looking worriedly in their direction. They must hate him so much for making Junmyeon cry. And he doesn’t blame them. He hates himself for that too.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, aren’t I?” Junmyeon quickly wipes his tears into his long sleeve. He looks like a little kid doing that. “Let me officially apologize to you for hurting you so much. I promise I had no idea you and Kris were together. I would have never done what I did if I had known.”

Minseok knows that. Of course he does. He wants to tell Junmyeon, he wants to explain all of his mixed, complicated feelings, but there are no words for it. Literally. No words come to mind.

“I’m sorry… I… I should go.”

And with that, Junmyeon leaves. Minseok does not stop him. He is unable to move. He just thinks about what a horrible person he is and how he does not deserve to be happy. Ever.

YESTERDAY

Minseok rubs his temples as he struggles with all the paperwork in front of him. Since the incident with Junmyeon happened, he has had a hard time concentrating. Anytime he tries to take his mind off it and do something else, there are these flashes of images and words that he simply cannot get out of his head.

He feels like he should do something about it. It can’t be hard to find out where Junmyeon works. But even if he did manage to find the place, what is he going to do? Simply confronting Junmyeon and demanding a resolution to this whole messed up situation seems a little bit too much. It would only confirm how heartless Minseok actually is. He does not need another reminder of that, no thank you.

So what now? What is Minseok supposed to do? Simply hate himself for a couple of years until he forgets that all this happened? Honestly, it might end up exactly like that.

There is a knock on the door which interrupts his dramatic self-hating thoughts. For once, Minseok welcomes such a distraction while at work.

Before Minseok can allow the man to come in, Yixing opens the door and sticks his head and his head only inside the room: “Hey, Minseok, there’s a guy asking for you at the counter. Should I send him up here or…?”

Minseok looks at the clock on his laptop. “Yeah, do that, thanks.”

It must be the new coffee beans delivery person and since it is now the time when the coffee shop is the busiest, it will probably be better to talk in his office.

After Yixing simply nods and disappears, Minseok goes through all the documents he has prepared and arranges them in a neat stack. His OCD personality would not have it any other way after all.

He is listing all the questions he needs to ask in his head when he senses that the door to his office, which Yixing has left opened, is moving.

“Hey.”

You have to be fucking kidding me, Minseok thinks to himself as he stares at the person in his office with his mouth agape.

This must be it. This is the time he gets the sudden heart attack his doctor predicted like 15 years ago when he was still a chubby, sweaty boy. This is what is going to kill him.

“Junmyeon… how… how did you find me?” he asks after a few second of complete silence.

The man chuckles but there is nothing cheerful about it. “I kind of figured your coffee shop must be nearby. I couldn’t imagine you going to a gym that would be far away. And then… then it took me one simple walk of looking through the windows in this area. When I saw the interior, I was sure this was your place.”

Always so damn smart and perceptive, Minseok mentally curses at him. Although, he should probably curse at himself for not realizing that Junmyeon would find him on his own if he wanted to. Which he obviously did.

“I see. And what brings you here?”

It might sound like a stupid question but Minseok really has no idea. Is Junmyeon here to apologize again? Is he here to tell Minseok that he changed his mind and that he actually is angry because of all the things Minseok did?

Both Junmyeon’s outfit and his expressions are no indication. As if one could tell someone’s intentions from their outfit. However, Junmyeon is wearing a well-fitting suit and there is a briefcase in his hand. Judging based on what time it is, this probably means that he is on his break from work. And what does that tell Minseok? Absolutely nothing, that’s right.

Okay, it might be helpful to study his expression more closely. Junmyeon’s pink lips are tightly pressed together, forming a straight line. Which can only mean that he is very tense. And there is like a million reasons why he could be tense, of course. So again, that is a dead end. Minseok should just give up trying to read him.

“I’m going to blow you.”

What the…

“I beg your pardon?”

Junmyeon takes a deep breath and appears to be somewhat irritated. “I said I’m going to blow you. So, could you please unzip your pants so that we can get this over with?”

Minseok quickly pushes both of his arms straight in front of himself to create a barrier. “Wait, what are you talking about? You can’t be serious.”

“Of course I’m serious.”

Junmyeon makes another step forward.

“No. You’re just messing with me. This makes absolutely zero sense.”

Perhaps it is a very complex way of actually inducing Minseok’s heart attack and getting his revenge. Junmyeon is smart enough to come up with something like that.

“Does it really? I thought about it for a long time and this is the only way.”

Junmyeon sets his briefcase down next to Minseok’s desk and damn, this is really getting serious.

“The only way to do what?” Minseok asks and it sounds like a shriek, not a normal human voice.

“To make it up to you,” Junmyeon says as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. “I once hurt you and I don’t know what else to do to make it right. The opposite of pain is pleasure, isn’t it? So… I’m here to bring you pleasure.”

“Wait!” It suddenly dawns on Minseok. “You really mean it? You know how crazy that sounds, right?”

“I do and I don’t care.”

Junmyeon is officially on his knees, kneeling in front of Minseok who is still sitting in his office chair, trying to collect himself. Minseok would laugh at the absurdity if this wasn’t so serious.

Also, does it make him a monster if he thinks, only for a fleeting second, about how good Junmyeon’s mouth looks? It probably does.

“So, are you okay with this?” Junmyeon suddenly asks.

“Yeah, I… yeah, but…” Minseok can’t believe himself. He’s literally just said that. His subconscious is getting the better of him. “We are not going to solve anything this way.”

“Yes, we are,” Junmyeon stands his ground. “Because I give a really good head.”

That is hardly a valid argument, Minseok thinks to himself.

“Also, I’ll swallow. I promise.”

Shit.

“Oh my god.”

“It’s fine,” Junmyeon says as he places one of his hands on Minseok’s knee. “Now relax, okay? I will take good care of you.”

Relax? How is Minseok supposed to relax? On his knees in front of him is Minseok’s former friend who slept with Minseok’s ex-boyfriend and he is reaching for Minseok’s zipper. This is a situation in which no one could ever be relaxed.

So why does he not stop him? It would be so easy. One simple no would suffice. Why did he agree to it? Does Minseok believe that this is how Junmyeon should make it up to him? Of course not. So why? Is it because it has been so long since there was a beautiful man who wanted to touch Minseok and Minseok wanted to be touched by him? Bingo.

Minseok feels Junmyeon’s soft lips on his tip and it immediately makes him tremble.

He is still soft though which he can’t understand since it seems like all he can think about and want at this very moment is having Junmyeon’s hot mouth around his dick.

Junmyeon does take him in after a moment, still soft, and Minseok’s whole world explodes. He fights his urge to thrust his crotch into Junmyeon’s face.

But then Junmyeon lets Minseok’s dick unceremoniously slip out of his mouth and instead he wraps his hand around it.

“Here, let me help you,” he says softly.

It is at this moment that Minseok realizes it is never going to happen. He is not getting hard. Even though that one moment felt so good and so hot, Minseok still sees Junmyeon as that innocent guy with dishevelled hair, buried in books and drinking way too much coffee. That soft-spoken guy who wanted to make his parents proud by graduating with honours.

He still sees those stars in his eyes from way back when Minseok told him that he too is gay and that it is nice to have someone he can share it with. He still hears that sweet, soft voice telling him all of the secretes, insecurities, and dreams. He still feels that warm touch on his hand and the head on his shoulder when they ended up huddled in the corner of a room at some party instead of interacting with other people. All of it is still here.

“Junmyeon, I don’t think this is going to work.”

As Junmyeon stops and pulls his hand back, Minseok almost whines at the loss of a warm touch. He then quickly puts his dick back into his pants and pulls the zipper back up to make sure that this is not going to continue.

“I’m sorry. It was stupid of me to think that I would turn you on.”

It scares Minseok how genuinely sorry Junmyeon sounds.

“No, that’s not it... it… it’s more complicated than that.”

Junmyeon probably doesn’t hear that because a) Minseok says it very quietly, and b) Junmyeon is in the middle of getting up when Minseok is trying to express his confusing emotions.

“I should go.”

Part of Minseok wants him to disappear as soon as possible so this unpleasant moment can end but then the other part really wants him to stay because ending it on this note would be so bad and misleading.

Before he can decide which part to listen to, Junmyeon is out of the door. And the only evidence that this all was not just a dream is Junmyeon’s briefcase still standing next to Minseok’s desk.

THE PRESENT DAY

“I still can’t believe it,” Baekhyun breaths out, head in his hands.

“Me neither,” Chanyeol agrees. “How do you not get it up when you have a gorgeous guy like that so close to your dick?”

As that question definitely warrants some kind of punishment, Baekhyun digs his elbow into his ribs pretty hard.

“So where’s the briefcase now?” he asks after he’s done with torturing Chanyeol.

“Still in my office. I haven’t touched it since,” Minseok admits.

One thing Minseok has always appreciated about his friends is that they usually balance each other out. When Chanyeol says something stupid, there is Baekhyun to remind him that he should behave like the adult he is. And when Baekhyun gets one of his crazy ideas from time to time, Chanyeol knows how to make him take it easy. However, there comes a time once in a while when they both immediately settle on the same ludicrous thing and there is no stopping them.

From what Minseok can tell, the moment has come.

“We should find him and give it back to him!” Chanyeol claps his hands and Baekhyun starts enthusiastically nodding like a crazy person.

“Like tonight?” Minseok’s eyes almost pop out.

“Sure!” Baekhyun says as if it so obvious. “Think about it. He’s just had this happen to him. It’s a Friday night. He’s definitely out, probably with his friends, drowning his sorrows. I guarantee you that it will take us no more than five tries to find him. The gay scene isn’t really that big here, you know.”

Baekhyun makes some good points, damn him.

“Okay… let’s say that we find him. What am I going to tell him?”

“To finish what he started?” Chanyeol suggests as he hands the waiter his credit card.

Minseok can’t even respond to that, so he just buries his face in his hands. Why does he have to have the worst friends in the world?

“Please, don’t listen to him,” Baekhyun squeezes his shoulder. “You’ll just tell him that the two of you should start over. As if nothing happened.”

“Start over?” Minseok looks at his friend.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun nods and smiles. “Look, no person in his right mind would do what that guy did if it didn’t mean something else. Even Chanyeol. And he’s… you know… Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol doesn’t even bother to pretend to be offended and only responds by nodding his head in agreement.

“So, what are you trying to say? That he likes me?”

Minseok has a hard time believing that.

“No, not that. I think it’s much more complicated than that. But I’m sure that there is something he’s not telling you. And he thought that making himself vulnerable like that and getting closer to you would change whatever he wants to change. Obviously, it didn’t work, so he must be upset. I do believe that you owe him the same vulnerability. And you can show it by finding him and actually talking to him.”

Why does it feel like Baekhyun understand the whole situation more that Minseok himself? Minseok is not used to this level of emotional awareness from him. However, he can’t deny that Baekhyun is right. Minseok does owe Junmyeon a lot. Whether it be vulnerability or something else, Minseok should try and repay him for how much he has tried.

~

“This is so fun! We never do quests like this anymore,” Baekhyun says as Minseok walks down with the briefcase from his office into the coffee shop’s area where his friends are waiting for him.

“When have we ever done quests?” Minseok asks, shaking his head.

“So many times! For example…” Baekhyun pauses for a moment, obviously struggling to remember an actual case of such an event. “I know! When Chanyeol saw that blond guy with a nose ring in the window of some restaurant and couldn’t shut up about him so we set out to find him!”

“Okay. I’ll give you that one,” Minseok gives in because that really was a quest.

“Well, let’s all hope this quest ends better than that one,” Baekhyun remarks quietly as if he doesn’t want Chanyeol to hear.

“Hey! We might have ended up in some very questionable establishments, but we had fun, you can’t hate on that!” Chanyeol responds, clearly offended.

“You’re right, we did,” Baekhyun pats his back. “So, let’s repeat that fun tonight but also make it more successful because I think Minseok’s poor heart could not handle any more failures.”

“Well, I can confirm that,” Minseok admits it right away.

“Okay, so let’s do this! But before we head out, could I get a cappuccino to go? That would be lovely, thanks,” Chanyeol flutters his eyelashes at his friends.

“Yeah, sure, I’m obviously going to start up all the equipment because of you.” Minseok can’t help but roll his eyes. “Anyway, where should we start? What about Queen? I met him there the last time.”

“That’s not a bad first choice, but let’s put more thought into it.” Minseok thinks that Baekhyun sounds like a detective solving a case when he speaks like that. “He’s just been utterly embarrassed and also completely rejected. I doubt that he is in the mood to go dancing. So, the important question is: where would you take a gay guy when he needs a pick-me-up but doesn’t really feel like interacting with a lot of people?”

“Shooting Star?” Chanyeol suggests.

“No, that’s is another club.”

“But it’s much more quiet and you can get a private lounge.”

“Please, nobody’s paying for a private lounge just because somebody rejected their friend’s blow job.”

“Why not? I would do that if it were you.”

“You would? That’s so sweet of you, aww!”

Minseok can’t help but roll his eyes as his friends continue to exchange displays of their love for each other while he has to focus on locking the coffee shop. They are such idiots but at the same time they are his idiots and he loves them for it. However, it would be more helpful if they could actually pay attention to the current problem rather than getting side-tracked.

“Okay, can you please focus for a second and profess your undying love after we find Junmyeon?”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol stop chattering and turn to him.

“Interesting,” the shorter of the two says. “I thought you were just going along with my crazy plan, but you really do want to find him.”

“I… well…” Minseok is flustered because he is as surprised as Baekhyun. “I guess I… I want to straighten things out between us.”

“Oh please,” Chanyeol shakes his head.

“Chanyeol, if you say that Minseok just wants to fuck him, I swear that I…”

“No! I’m not that stupid, okay? It’s just that it is so obvious that Minseok felt something different when they shared that moment together. It might have been a huge disaster, but it also meant something. And I’m not saying that he is into him now or anything but there might be some attraction that Minseok is not really admitting… even to himself.”

Minseok has to say that Chanyeol’s rare gift of being extremely perceptive appears at the most unusual times.

However, that does not change the fact that he is often right. And he might even be at this moment, but Minseok is still not sure. Yeah, there was something different in that moment that he can’t quite describe but isn’t it possible that it was just a pure lust? A feeling that he would have felt with anyone else. It could be wrong to assign it a special meaning.

“No, let’s go back!

“Relax, I know what I’m doing.”

The moment of silence that ensued after Chanyeol’s meaningful words is interrupted by two loud voices that are getting closer and closer to the group of friends.

“Jongin, you can’t just break into a building! That’s illegal!”

“I don’t care. I’m getting your stuff back.”

Is there a crime happening? Should they call somebody? They all exchange looks.

“I have no use for that briefcase anyway!”

Now the attention is solely on the briefcase in Minseok’s hand.

“It is not about the briefcase, this is a matter of principle!”

They go back to exchanging confused looks.

“What kind of principle?!”

“The principle that nobody treats my friends like that!”

As soon as it occurs to the group of three friends to actually turn their hands in the direction from which the sounds are coming, there are two people standing right next to them, looking as shocked as they are.

“Hi,” Minseok is the first to say something.

Junmyeon appears to be rather thrown off and he turns to his friend who appears to be ready to actually choke Minseok to death. When he realizes that he can’t really look for any help there, he quietly answers: “Hi.”

“Well, we were just on our way to... umm…” Baekhyun’s attempt to smoothly disappear fails as he struggles to think of a specific place.

“To a party,” Chanyeol helpfully chimes in. “Bye,” he grabs Baekhyun’s hand and quickly drags him away.

Minseok is definitely glad that his friends are gone but he also kind of wishes that they stayed as his backup in case Junmyeon’s friend, who does not seem to be ready to leave, tries to punch him in the face or something.

Under these circumstances, the best approach might be to just act friendly.

“We haven’t actually…”

“Oh, we have,” Minseok’s attempt to be nice is simply refused point-blank. “Though I guess it’s more like we could have if you hadn’t behaved like a complete dick towards Junmyeon last week. Which would then actually have made Junmyeon introduce us to each other. But since you had to be so rude, we officially meet like this. And I’m even more pissed that last week.”

“Jongin, please, let it go,” Junmyeon tugs at his friend’s arm. “We came here for the briefcase, nothing else.”

The friend, Jongin, frowns but it also seems to calm him down a little bit. “Right. And how convenient, the briefcase is right here in front of us. Where were you going with it, huh?”

“I have no idea,” Minseok admits. “I wanted to give it back to Junmyeon, but I didn’t know how to contact him so we… my friends and I… we decided to try to find him tonight.”

Before Jongin can say anything, Junmyeon places his hand on Jongin’s shoulder and softly says: “I think that Minseok and I should talk. Just the two of us.”

“Are you sure?” Jongin asks, clearly worried about his friend.

“Yeah. I’ll join you later after we finish.”

Jongin still seems reluctant to leave but then he just sighs, gives Minseok one final murderous look, and heads back in the direction they came from.

“Would you like to come in?” Minseok motions to the coffee shop.

Honestly, it might not be the best place to have a talk after what happened yesterday, but it would be weird to just talk in the street. Moreover, the idea of going somewhere where there are other people doesn’t sound much better.

“Okay,” Junmyeon agrees but it is evident that it is with a little bit of hesitation.

So Minseok unlocks the entrance and lets them in. He then takes two chairs down from one small table, so they have a place to sit. It will hopefully be better than awkwardly standing and not knowing what to do with your body.

And Junmyeon appears to share the same sentiment since he accepts the seat with a small smile.

“Can I just start first by apologizing for yesterday?” Minseok says the moment he sits down because he needs to get it off his chest. “I should have stopped you before it got too far.”

“Are you kidding?” Junmyeon immediately reacts. “I’m the one who should apologize. I feel like I forced you into something that you didn’t exactly want and I… I was so focused on the idea that it needed to happen that I completely disregarded how you might have felt about it.”

“Yeah, but that’s the thing,” Minseok chuckles. He can’t believe he is going to say it. “I didn’t feel bad about it. I mean… I was shocked at first and I still don’t quite understand the logic behind it, but at that moment I wanted it.”

Junmyeon’s expression shows how surprised and confused he is. “So why…?”

“Because I couldn’t do it to you. You are so… I don’t know how to describe it. At that moment, all these memories from college appeared in my head and I realized that to me you are such a pure person and that I would feel so awful if I let you do it.”

“That’s funny,” Junmyeon simply responds. Only when he sees how puzzled Minseok is, he decides to elaborate. “The only reason I could do what I did is because I replayed some memories from college in my head over and over again,” he says with a tremble in his voice. “And those memories were of all those times I wanted to do exactly that.”

“Wait, what?” Minseok is even more confused now. “You liked me?”

“Well, yes and no,” Junmyeon smiles. “I was attracted to you… like a lot. But it’s not like I was in love with you or something. It was mainly physical.”

Minseok has no idea how he is supposed to feel right now. Flattered? Perhaps. But it also makes him question his own personality.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I liked you so much as a person!” Junmyeon immediately recognizes the impact of his words. “But you were my friend. A very important friend. So, for me it was always like I had an amazing friend who I occasionally thought about having sex with. Is that weird?”

“I guess not,” Minseok says because he can’t give a definite answer. He is not sure about anything right now.

“So, imagine how I felt when you stopped talking to me. And I’m not saying that to hurt you or to accuse you of anything. I only want you to know how shocked I was. You were the only person I could talk to about my problems openly because you knew everything about me. About my identity. And you were so understanding and nice. You felt like home to me. And on top of that, there were these fantasizes that I had when I still hadn’t had many opportunities to express myself sexually. They were something special and tangible even though I would have never told you about them. So, yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I lost a lot the moment we stopped talking. And I understand why you did what you did, and I’ve already told you I’m not mad. But… it was hard, I’m not going to lie about that.”

Minseok knows it must have been hard. When he stopped contacting him, he was aware how important he was to Junmyeon. But Junmyeon was also important to him. He was his first gay friend, which meant that he was the first person Minseok could relate to. They shared so many things and went through a lot together. So, the decision to cut Junmyeon from his life broke his heart. At that time, it felt like he had no other choice though.

“I think we should just stop apologizing to each other,” Junmyeon says. “In the end, it was Kris’s fault. And what happened after that, it was only a consequence of that whole mess. We were young and didn’t know any better. And now we are older and, obviously, it has not improved at all.” Junmyeon laughs and Minseok can’t help but laugh with him. “We’ve messed up. Both of us in some way. But once, we were really good friends. And I’ve missed you so much. It has been such a long time and I still miss having you as my friend. So… is there a possibility that we could be friends again?”

Honestly, there’s nothing that Minseok would like more than that. He believes that he doesn’t deserve it though. In his opinion, he messed up so much more than Junmyeon.

But at the same time, he wants to forgive himself and be a little bit selfish. Because this is Junmyeon we are talking about. Junmyeon with his soft voice, gentle smile, and beautiful soul. No matter how much time passes, those things will never change.

“I think there is… provided that your friend Jongin lets me get close to you.”

Junmyeon laughs and it is so radiant that it almost takes Minseok’s breath away. “I’ll talk to him about it. He might not seem like it based on your recent experience, but he is a very sweet person.”

“Okay, I’ll believe you.”

And it is like the last several years never happened. Like that moment when Minseok found out about Junmyeon and Kris simply got erased. They are just two friends sitting in a coffee shop, enjoying each other’s company. Because they mean so much to each other and they have been through a lot together.

However, there is this warmth in Minseok’s chest that is completely new. It is pleasant but it scares him at the same time because he knows what it means. And when he really thinks about it, it is actually not completely new, but it has been there before. It simply never had the opportunity to have an impact because things stood in the way. But now, now there seem to be no obstacles, no distractions. It is just them. Minseok and Junmyeon. And Minseok realizes that them being friends is nice. However, the warmth that he feels tells him that maybe, just maybe, there is a lot more to it than friendship, at least as far as Minseok’s feelings are concerned.

NEXT WEEK

“Hey, isn’t that your gorgeous friend over there?” Chanyeol suddenly asks while scanning his surroundings.

They are all, this time including Jongdae, in a club, enjoying a well-deserved Friday night full of fun and alcohol. Although, Minseok doesn’t really feel like he needs to unwind. This past week has been amazing because he had the opportunity to catch up with Junmyeon more than he expected. They spent two nice afternoons in Minseok’s coffee shop when Junmyeon came over, and then they even went out for dinner, which meant Minseok had the opportunity to learn so much about the person Junmyeon has become even though he has not changed much, just matured.

“Yeah, he said that he had an evening planned with his friends.”

“Wow, you weren’t kidding about him being absolutely gorgeous,” Jongdae turns to Baekhyun. And once he notices Minseok’s strange look he adds: “We might be in a committed relationship but that does not mean we can’t admire other people.”

“If you say so,” Minseok shrugs.

“Don’t mind him. Minseok is just one of those people who can’t look at anyone else once they fall in love,” Baekhyun kisses Jongdae on the cheek, and Minseok can only roll his eyes at that.

“That’s true. If you could see the world through his eyes right now, it would be just a black canvas with one shining figure in the middle,” Chanyeol chimes in. “And we all know who that one is.”

“I’m not in love with Junmyeon!” Minseok whispers angrily as if he is affronted by such an accusation.

“Okay. But you do want to get into his pants,” Baekhyun bluntly says.

At this point Minseok can feel his blood boiling.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Chanyeol disagrees, and Minseok can’t believe that Chanyeol is the only voice of reason in his group of friends. “I think he just wants to hold his hand and look into his eyes.”

That’s it, Minseok officially has no friends.

“Don’t tease him, guys, he must be going through a difficult time right now,” Jongdae cuts in before the two so-called friends can embarrass Minseok even more.

“Please, how is that difficult? Minseok wants him and Junmyeon wants Minseok. If this was a love story, it would be the shortest one ever.”

“Junmyeon doesn’t want me like that,” Minseok suddenly says and all heads turn to him. “He admitted that he was attracted to me during college but even if that’s still the case, I don’t think he sees me in a romantic way.”

“And want about you? You haven’t told us how you actually feel about him,” Chanyeol places his hand on Minseok’s shoulder in a supporting manner.

“I… I guess I do like him. But it’s been only a week since we straightened things out. I don’t want to jump the gun and ruin everything.”

It feels strange to verbalize his feelings. However, it is quite freeing at the same time. Once his feelings are out there, he can address them more easily.

“Judging from the way Junmyeon keeps glancing at our table, I don’t think you’re going to ruin anything,” Jongdae says with a soft smile.

The moment it happens, Baekhyun and Chanyeol turn around, their eyes glued to Junmyeon’s table.

“Stop staring!” Minseok hisses. He really can’t believe those two.

“That was not staring, that was a mere glance,” Baekhyun mumbles under his breath as if Minseok was his parent who just chastised him for no reason.

Minseok only shakes his head because at times like this he truly feels like a parent that is responsible for a group of mischievous kids. They do what they want, refuse to listen to him, and act like they have never been in public or heard of a thing called good manners.

However, they seem to be the least of his problems once he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. As he takes it out, his friends stifle a laugh.

“ _Tell your friends that stealth is definitely not one of their strong suits.”_

Minseok chuckles and answers: “ _Oh, no need, they already know. It’s a conscious thing. They don’t hold back while embarrassing me._ ”

“You should go talk to him,” Chanyeol says as Minseok sends the message.

“Why? He’s with his friends.”

“Yeah, but soon some guy will come up to him and you will sit here wondering why it’s not you who he’s talking to. With the handsome ones like him, you have to act fast.”

There might be some truth to that, Minseok notes in his head. Yet he still does not think it is a good idea to approach Junmyeon like that. It’s too soon.

“Chanyeol’s right. I mean, damn, I can’t believe a guy like that ever stays single,” Baekhyun joins in just to make Minseok question his decisions, or at least that’s how it feels like.

Minseok turns to Jongdae in hope that he will get a different response but Jongdae just shrugs and finishes his beer. Damn it.

Suddenly, there is another text that reads: “ _Stop frowning. It doesn’t look good on you_.”

Minseok immediately looks in Junmyeon’s direction and there he is, waving at him and pointing to his own smile, which makes Minseok laugh. Junmyeon then shows him a thumbs up and proceeds to get back to his friends.

“He doesn’t want me like that, my ass. You’re both whipped,” Baekhyun remarks.

For some reason, something switches in Minseok’s mind and he ask: “But what should I do?”

He even surprises himself with that question. A few moments ago, he was sure that he would not succumb to the pressure. That he would not let them convince him that it is a good idea to somehow express his feelings. And now? Now there’s such a mess in his head because of Junmyeon’s smile and his actions. And this mess allows his innermost thoughts to come out.

“Give me your phone, don’t ask any questions, and relax,” Baekhyun holds out his hand, and Minseok is almost sure he is going to regret this one, but he complies.

Except for the relaxing part, there is no way he could ever relax when his phone is in Baekhyun’s hands, that’s for sure.

“Done,” his friend puts the phone down in a couple of seconds. “I knew taking creative writing in college would pay off one day.”

Minseok furrows his brows. “Like other than needing it at work every day?”

“Yeah. But this time, I’m using for a greater purpose. See for yourself.”

And Minseok does see for himself as stealthily as possible. The only issue is that everything looks the same, except that Junmyeon has taken off his jacket and exposed his toned arms to everybody since he’s wearing a tight t-shirt.

“I texted him that it’s getting hot in here and that he should take off that jacket.”

“Oh my god, you can’t be serious,” Minseok wants to bang his head against the wall because he saw it coming and still let it happen.

“Yeah, babe, that’s a little bit too cheesy,” Jongdae chimes in.

“So what?” Baekhyun says. “It worked. We have our thesis statement and now we can work on the rest.”

“I can’t believe that your approach is the same as with a college paper,” Chanyeol shakes his head.

“And I can’t believe I let you be in charge of my love life,” Minseok is still incredulous.

“Have some faith and give me a second,” Baekhyun goes back to Minseok’s phone while Minseok thinks of just leaving both his phone and his friends there and running away.

Even that would be less embarrassing than what’s happening now.

“Yep, you’re meeting him at the bar in two minutes.”

“What?”

“You want to buy him a drink. So, my plan is: a lot of eye contact, a lot of physical contact, and being as close to him as possible. Also, we need to do something about this,” Baekhyun does a strange motion with his hand in front of Minseok’s face.

“About me?”

“Yeah. We need to sex you up.”

Before Minseok can protest in any way, Baekhyun runs his hand through Minseok’s neatly styled hair and ruffles it. Then he unbuttons Minseok’s shirt a little bit, but too much for Minseok’s liking, and rolls up his sleeves. And the last touch is that he takes out a breath freshener, waits for Minseok to open his mouth, and sprays it directly into it.

“Done. And now go make us proud.”

Minseok has no response to that so he just nods. He quickly leaves their table and heads to the bar where he can already see Junmyeon waiting for him, looking all handsome and shit, damn it, Minseok needs to keep it together.

“Hi,” Junmyeon greets him softly, which makes Minseok weak in the knees.

“Hey,” he tries to maintain his composure. “What are you drinking?”

“Hmm, let me think,” Junmyeon pauses for a second. “Let’s make it a Long Island Iced Tea.”

“Sounds good,” Minseok smiles and approaches the bar to order the same drink for the both of them.

As he waits for the bartender to notice him, the guy who was standing right next to him leaves, so Junmyeon casually leans against the counter, standing very close to Minseok. Minseok glances at him, and they exchange a gentle smile. It would all be so sweet and innocent if Minseok could just forget for a second that Junmyeon’s leg is slightly pressed to his.

After several seconds, he is finally able to order the drinks once the bartender comes near him. As he is preparing the drinks, it doesn’t escape Minseok’s attention that the bartender takes a couple of quick looks at Junmyeon. Junmyeon, however, appears to be completely oblivious, so Minseok decides against saying anything.

What would he say anyway? _Hey, Junmyeon, that bartender is checking you out and I don’t appreciate it at all?_ Yeah, as if he had any right to say that.

“Keep the change,” Minseok says to the bartender as he hands him the money. Honestly, it is just because he wants him to go away as quickly as possible.

“Thank you,” Junmyeon suddenly interrupts his thoughts as he takes a sip of his drink.

“You’re welcome.”

And then they just stand there, with their backs leaning against the bar, sipping on their drinks until Junmyeon finally breaks the silence: “So which one of your friends sent the last two texts?”

“Baekhyun,” Minseok says, not even a little bit surprised that he figured it out. “He is the most mischievous looking one, you can’t miss him.”

“Oh, that one. He’s cute.”

“Yeah. He has a boyfriend though.”

“I didn’t mean it like that but good to know,” Junmyeon chuckles. His smile however quickly morphs into a flustered expression. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I… well…” Minseok didn’t even realize he was staring that much so it catches him off guard. “It just seems so strange seeing you in a club even though it happened once before.”

“I know, I know, I don’t blend in,” Junmyeon shakes his head while smiling. “But I am a single guy in his early 30s, so I guess that this is a place to be. Although it never really works.”

“You don’t strike me as a guy who would have troubles finding someone,” Minseok says. He now realizes that while they have been talking a lot for the past week, the topic of love live has never come up, not even once, though it is understandable after all their history.

“I hear that a lot. But it is the opposite. My friends say it’s because I’m intimidating.”

Minseok gets why someone would say that. Junmyeon is a handsome, fit guy with an amazing, highly paid job and a nice personality. That is definitely intimidating because it seems virtually impossible to find any flaws in his life or character even when you think about it for a long time.

“Yeah, but still. There must be a lot of guys that are interested.”

“Well, that depends on what you mean by interested. Interested in getting in my pants, sure. Interested in being in a relationship with me? Not really,” Junmyeon shrugs. “And don’t get me wrong, I’ve dated quite a bit since college, but it has never lasted for a long time. I partially blame it on being a workaholic even though I know that it is more complicated than that.”

“It always is,” Minseok gives him a reassuring smile.

“Yeah,” Junmyeon nods and returns the smile. “What about you? How’s your love life”

“Pretty much non-existent?” Minseok laughs bitterly. “I don’t know, it’s been a while since I’ve had a serious relationship. Well, semi-serious. Lately, it’s been about going out and watching Chanyeol and his endeavours, not really about me. It might be because I’m getting too old for casual stuff, but the real thing is kind of hard to find, it seems like.”

“Tell me about it,” Junmyeon simply smiles, but then he fixes his eyes of Minseok out of nowhere. “Sometimes I miss the casual stuff though. Like meeting a hot guy at the bar, taking him home, and letting him fuck my brains out. Stuff like that.”

Suddenly, Minseok has to remind himself to breathe. He also becomes aware again of how close to each other they are. It would take one simple move to kiss Junmyeon right then and there.

“Sure, yeah, I… I get that.”

“Do you?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Do you really get it?”

“I think so. Why?”

“No reason.”

And then there is a pause.

“So, would you fuck my brains out if I asked you to?”

“I… I don’t know.”

It is an honest response which obviously sparks something in Junmyeon because he quickly presses Minseok against the counter. They are now standing face-to-face, their noses almost touching.

“You don’t find me attractive, do you?”

“No, that’s not it.”

“So what is it?”

“It’s… if I did that, you could misunderstand how I feel about you.”

Junmyeon takes a step back, obviously surprised by the implications. “And how do you feel about me?”

“I like you.”

Three simple words. They don’t seem enough to actually encompass Minseok’s feelings but adding anything else would be redundant.

“You like me?” Junmyeon says incredulously.

“Yeah.”

“Minseok, we are in our 30s. People usually either ask someone on a date, or they fuck them without going on one. Telling someone that you like them is kind of vague.”

There’s some truth to that, Minseok thinks to himself. However, it is sad how they’ve been ruined by more than a decade of adult dating.

“Okay, let’s go on a date then.”

Judging by his expression, Junmyeon is clearly shocked by such a direct approach. “You really mean that? You really do like me?”

“I do. I don’t know how to explain it… I… I feel this warmth in my chest whenever I look at you. And I know that we’ve just put this complicated thing behind us, but I can’t just ignore how I feel. It is really messy and strange when you think about it and I don’t know if this is the right call, yet I can’t just tell those feelings to go away. I’ve realized what a special person you are and that being friends with you is one of the most amazing things that could have happened to me. But for me, it is definitely beyond friendship now. I like you and if you want, I want to explore those feelings even more.”

This is it. He has poured all of his heart out. It might have not been the wisest move on his part, but he is done with playing it safe.

“Wow, I’ve never thought I would get genuinely confessed to in a gay club.”

“Huh? That’s your first reaction?”

“Yeah. What did you expect me to say?”

Minseok honestly has no idea. He was so anxious about the whole admitting his feelings thing that he completely forgot to predict how Junmyeon would react.

“I think I need some time to process this. You know, you are a really great guy.” Once Junmyeon says this, Minseok’s heart sinks. Nothing good starts with _you are a really great guy._ It is the compliment that is almost always followed by some _but._ “But…” Here it goes. “After everything we’ve been through in such a short period of time and after so many years of not being in touch, I’m not sure if jumping right into dating would be a good idea.”

Minseok knew it. He knew it and still couldn’t keep it in. He should have never listened to his friends and gotten his hopes up.

“Look, I am attracted to you. I have always been. And a big part of me wants to go on a date with you so badly it hurts. But the other part is still hesitant.”

“You didn’t seem hesitant when you asked me to fuck you.”

Minseok is aware that he sounds a little bitter. But you can’t blame him. He is so confused by Junmyeon’s words and actions. He is not sure what to think.

“That’s true,” Junmyeon admits and seems to be kind of embarrassed. “But that was sex. Casual, mindless sex. Dating is… it is a more complicated issue.”

“Okay. I understand.”

“Thank you. But I mean… if you changed your mind about the sex, I wouldn’t mind.”

Minseok can’t believe how quickly Junmyeon went from being embarrassed to showing his lust so openly. At the same time, it is kind of hot.

But no, no, he needs to keep it together. He needs to ignore how the sensual look Junmyeon is giving him is burning on his skin. He needs to suppress the memory of how good his dick felt in Junmyeon’s mouth several days ago.

Why? Because this is a very bad idea. Very, very bad. The thing he feels for Junmyeon is much more complex than pure sexual desire.

“That’s nice, but I don’t think so, sorry.”

~

“Good boy, now let me see you come.”

And Minseok does come. He comes hard.

It takes him a few seconds to recover before he pulls out and rolls over to the other side of Junmyeon’s bed, all sweaty and panting.

“Are you okay?” he asks between breaths.

“Sure. You didn’t exactly go hard on me,” Junmyeon smiles and he inches a little bit closer to Minseok’s side.

To Minseok’s surprise, he then takes off the condom Minseok has on and throws it away into the bin right next to his bed. He still stays close to him after that though.

“Sorry. I’m not a type that usually goes rough.”

“Don’t apologize. It was nice.”

Nice. Nice is not amazing. It is also definitely not mind-blowing. Nice is… nice. It is not bad. It is the thing you say to someone when you don’t want to hurt their feelings.

“But you were expecting something else.”

“No! Not at all! I was fully aware that you are a romantic guy. You know, that type that calls it making love and goes really slowly and is thoughtful.”

“And that’s bad?”

“It’s not bad… it’s different. At least from I’ve mostly experienced. But I definitely enjoyed it, so you should stop second guessing yourself.”

Those words make Minseok relax a little bit. He knows he kind of overreacted with the _nice_ thing, but it is because he feels very self-conscious around Junmyeon. Junmyeon has such a perfect body and everything he does feels so natural and amazing. And while Minseok knows that his own body is nice too and that it’s not like he’s completely terrible in bed, it makes him nervous about his own looks and abilities.

“Do you want to sleep over? I know you probably have to work tomorrow but I don’t mind if we wake up early.”

“Actually, I don’t have to come in until late afternoon on weekends, so we don’t have to.”

“Great!” Junmyeon says happily and cuddles Minseok.

It feels so natural to cuddle him back when Minseok finally does it after a few moments of hesitation. It is warm, it is nice, it makes him feel safe. Minseok’s mind has been a mess throughout this whole thing but now all that fades away and it is only him and Junmyeon, just the two of them, quickly falling asleep.

NEXT MORNING

When Minseok wakes up, there’s no one next to him. He simply lies there for several moments before his mind starts spinning once again.

Why did he do that? Yes, it was great and all, but he shouldn’t have. Once he said he wouldn’t, he should have stuck to it.

It is Junmyeon’s fault. Everything was fine until he put that hand on Minseok’s leg and smiled at him. Yeah, it might not seem like much, but it made Minseok lean in and kiss him. And then it just became inevitable that they would end up exactly where they did. With Junmyeon’s mouth around Minseok’s dick the moment they reached Junmyeon’s apartment. And then in the bedroom.

Minseok has to cover his face with his hands. He’s screwed.

“Good morning.”

Junmyeon’s voice instantly startles Minseok. He must have not heard him come into the room as he was pondering his situation.

“Good morning:”

“You should take a shower while I’ll make us some coffee.”

For a response, Minseok simply nods.

It seems like Junmyeon is waiting for Minseok to get up, but when he doesn’t, he just laughs and leaves the room once he realizes that Minseok is kind of shy about being naked in front of him even after last night.

As the door closes, Minseok lets out a sigh. Yeah, he is screwed. Totally screwed.

~

“You went out to buy breakfast?” Minseok asks the moment he sees the kitchen table.

“Yeah. My fridge was empty,” Junmyeon admits kind of sheepishly. “So, I bought us some sandwiches in the bakery across the street. They are really good.”

“They look great, thank you.”

It is definitely awkward to sit next to each other and eat breakfast. At first, Minseok has no idea what to say, but Junmyeon thankfully starts talking about his friends, who apparently haven’t stopped texting him since last night. He does not really mention the reason, which is naturally obvious, he just talks about them and their quirks.

He then asks Minseok about his friends, so Minseok has to explain to him how it all started. How he met Baekhyun in a gym and Baekhyun kept staring at him and hit on him, but Minseok wasn’t interested and they ended up as just friends.

“Wow. So, you never hooked up?” Junmyeon asks, obviously rather surprised.

“Never,” Minseok shakes his head, but then he realizes something. “He kissed me once when he was drunk, but that’s it.”

“And what about that other friend? The tall one?”

“Chanyeol? No, never. I think he kind of hit on me once when he was super desperate, but he didn’t even mean it,” Minseok chuckles. “But why are you asking me that? Have you hooked up with any of your friends?”

“Yeah, almost all of them,” Junmyeon says as if it is a matter of course. “We basically formed our group on a series of hook-ups.”

“I see.” Minseok must admit that he finds it a little bit strange, but to each his own. “So, you’ve hooked up even with that one who doesn’t like me? Jongin?”

“No! I could never! He’s like my younger brother. That’s why he’s so protective of me. It’s not because he’s jealous, if you were wondering,” Junmyeon says with a teasing smile.

Yes, Minseok was wondering about that.

“And it’s not true that he doesn’t like you. Even in the club he said that you look like a nice person now that he knows that you’re not a complete asshole.”

“Well, I don’t know if I can handle that much love,” Minseok shrugs.

It makes Junmyeon burst out laughing, which then brings about that familiar warmth in Minseok’s chest. Because Junmyeon’s laugh is a beautiful, melodic sound. And when his eyes form these little crescents, Minseok tends to forget about the rest of the world.

After a moment, Junmyeon notices the way Minseok is looking at him. He blushes and hides his face behind his coffee mug.

“I know, I know, I’m ugly when I laugh.”

“You? Are you kidding me? Like there could be a moment when you’re ugly.”

“Well, you should see me in my glasses and my regular ratty pyjama, bent over some financial statements that I have to review in the morning before I go to work, pulling my hair out and cursing my life.”

“I would love to.”

There is a pregnant pause, which signals how their friendly chat has come to an end and morphed into something definitely more serious.

“Minseok, I…”

“I know, I know. Sorry. You explained it to me yesterday.”

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No, it wasn’t. I wanted to say that I had a great time last night.”

“Okay. Me too.”

“I know, I could tell,” Junmyeon smirks, but then he shakes his head to get back on track. “Anyway, I had some time to think in the morning and I realized that you were right.”

Minseok furrows his brows. He has no idea where this is going.

“This whole thing is messy and strange. Yet when I was falling asleep right next to you, it felt right. That’s when I realized that I also feel that you are more than a friend to me. A lot more. It took me this long to finally accept because it sounds so crazy. After all that we’ve been through. And because it hasn’t been long since we reconciled. Logically, it doesn’t make any sense, but my emotions are telling me that I should go for it because I would definitely regret it if I didn’t give this a chance.”

Minseok is stunned. Completely stunned. On the other hand, he realizes that this sudden shift was completely the same in his case. Suddenly something flipped and it dawned on him. So he understands where Junmyeon is coming from.

This means that his logical side has caught up. But he still doesn’t feel any special way.

Only when Junmyeon takes his hand and looks him in the eyes, Minseok gets flooded with happiness. This sudden surge of emotion basically takes his breath away and the only thing he can do is squeeze Junmyeon’s hand back.

“So, I guess what I’m saying is… can I still take you up on that offer of a date?” Junmyeon winks and gives Minseok a smug look because he knows damn well that he can.

And since there is really no question about it, Minseok goes in for a kiss instead of giving an actual response.

TWO WEEKS FROM NOW

“Hey, isn’t that your gorgeous boyfriend over there?” Chanyeol suddenly asks.

Minseok smiles. This question reminds him of how different things were two weeks ago. How he and Junmyeon went from friends to boyfriends. It’s crazy to think that it hasn’t actually been that long because they’ve become used to each other basically immediately.

“Yes, it is. He’s out with his friends and we’ll meet up later.”

“Mm, I wouldn’t mind being introduced to some of his friends,” Chanyeol notes.

“Of course you wouldn’t,” Baekhyun chuckles, shaking his head. “But there are more important things that we need to discuss. Like how it is going in the dreamland.”

“Dreamland?”

“Yeah, that’s what we started calling your relationship,” Jongdae explains. “Because it’s so dreamy and perfect.”

“Almost too perfect if you ask me,” Chanyeol chimes in.

“I didn’t,” Minseok glares at him. “And stop saying that it is perfect. Yes, it is great and I’m very happy, but calling something perfect is too much.”

Once he says this, it surprises him that his friends just stop everything and look at him with bright smiles on their faces.

“What’s going on?”

“That’s all we wanted to hear,” Baekhyun answers.

“Excuse me?”

“That you are very happy. That’s all we wanted. Because it makes us happy that you are happy. You deserve it,” Chanyeol pats Minseok on the back.

Oh no. Oh no, these weirdos are going to make him cry.

“Yeah, you deserve to finally get some,” Baekhyun adds.

And they are back at teasing him, thank God.

As their conversation continues with Chanyeol saying that it is good that his friends are finally both in a relationship because he doesn’t have to take care of them anymore, Minseok turns his head and fixes his eyes on Junmyeon’s table.

And there he is. His boyfriend. This familiar warmth once again spreads in Minseok’s chest. Although, maybe it’s time to call that warmth what it actually is: a blooming love.


End file.
